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Proud to change…

It’s gotten to that strange time of the evening again where my brain decides its a great idea to splurge. Uh oh.

Evenin’

My last post was titled ‘not okay, is okay’ and I stick by that 100%. I’m not okay…there is a hell of a lot going on in my life recently and I feel as though some days I take 1 step forward and perhaps 3 steps back. That’s okay too, because life was never designed to be straight forward. Wheres the excitement in that? So yeah, sometimes I do put on a smile and pretend that everything is okay…because that is just simply easier. Sometimes I’m not the strong person I feel I should be…

HOWEVER.

I have had a lot of time to think about things the past few weeks and it has become real clear to me that I regret decisions I have made and also there’s things that I wouldn’t change if I had the opportunity. So in my times of thoughts when I’m not at work or with my family, I have been trying to arrange my brain muddle into some sort of organised format… (pah, who am I kidding?!).

I have been down. I won’t hide that for one second. Family health issues are affecting both myself and those surrounding me a lot recently and that’s hard. Honestly, I just want somebody to tell me that it’s going to be okay when I break. As well as this, my dad called me super shaken up yesterday to tell me he had been involved in a ‘hit and run incident’ where an oncoming driver ploughed into the front of him, ultimately writing his car off. The police came and told him that if he had been driving 5mph faster then the outcome wouldn’t have been as lucky. It hit me hard and makes me appreciate the ones around me even more if that’s possible?

But…for the first time in what feels like forever, I can honestly say that I am proud of myself. I’m trying to make changes to both better myself as a person and to change my path in life. I’m doing okay! I started driving again after 4 years which is awesome.  This means that I have a sense of independence back which is sweet! I’m working real hard to change my career path and I am honestly proud of myself for this. I’ve also started learning again! I’m finally figuring stuff out. I’ve been working on myself where I can and I have changed as a person for the better.

I’m proud 🙂

Goodnight world

xx

 

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Not okay, is okay

I have the word ‘Strength’ tattooed on my arm. It’s a daily reminder to myself, to hold strong for both my own sake and my family’s sake. I vowed I would always stay strong from that day forward. Since that day, I’ve encountered a lot of hurdles along the way and I have learned to accept that that’s just part of life. Through some of these I’ve been okay and held my nerve, others not so much. This post is to simply state that its okay not to be okay.

I’ve never been one to struggle with low moods, depressive thoughts or breakdowns. I’ve had anxious spouts through University but nothing I couldn’t manage.

I did something which took a lot of courage for me… I let out a lot of feelings to my mum. I told her everything, every last detail, about how I have been struggling recently. This is down to a lot of things from my job to family health issues. I want to stress that this isn’t a pity post. That is not my intention and I really hope it doesn’t come across as that. The aim of this post is to get across in my own way, as I said before, that its okay not to be okay.

Depression is real man. People brush mental illness to the side and tell you to man up or get over it. Today I shared a real close moment and my mum and I just broke down together. I am going to be really raw here because I feel that it might help some people. She suggested that I seek help. I’m the first to hold my hands up and admit that its superrrr hard to hear that you might need an outsiders help.

I didn’t want to admit it. I still don’t. I can honestly admit that speaking up to the people around me was the best thing I could have possibly done. When people who truly care about you, there’s no judgement, no resentment or bad feeling. Its 173% support and love and for that I couldn’t be more grateful. This is true for my friends as well. I don’t have many, I can count them all on one hand, but the support is unreal.

I beg anybody going through bad thoughts, a low period or just a generally pretty naff time, please speak up. I know it’s hard, it makes you feel incapable or needy, but it is the best thing you can do. I know this post is really raw, but I hope that I can help perhaps just one person!

Ames xx

 

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Oh to win a million dollars……

Evenin’

Again, its been a while! I write this at the start of all my blogs. I’m gonna stop because I think we can all establish I am not a blogger to write routinely. Whats routine, aha! I’m all about the spontaneous side of things!

So I sit here alone on a random Wednesday evening, nothing special. I’m doing the same stuff as I always do. Spotify is playing through the earphones, TV on the background, how mundane right! But it got me thinking. What would I do with 1 million dollars? 1 MILLION DOLLARS! Whats that in pounds? £710,080 (Yeah I did have to Google that, not gonna lie). So basically three quarters of a million pounds… that’s quite a lot man! So here we go.

Firstly, I would give the people who mean the most to me some money. Make sure they’re gonna be okay! With this sort of money I don’t claim that I would be able to buy them all a house and make sure they would be set for the rest of their days, but hey, it would be a help! £25,000 each? My mum, dad, sister,step parents, my niece. They could pay a few bills off with that! Mahousive help!

I’d buy myself a car. Not a fancy pants anything. Sure, a new one would be nice, but I’m easily pleased. Nothing too great, I’m still young! A new lil run around would make me happy. So whats that? £10,000. No need to spend anymore.

I’d throw some money towards a holiday. Maybe a few, cos why not eh?! One of my first ever blog posts mentioned travelling to Iceland to see the Northern lights. This is also one of my boyfriends dreams, how fitting! I would pay for one of those glass igloos for 5 or so days, experience the northern lights together, visit the blue lagoon and do all of the touristy things. Cute :). I would also book somewhere exotic, somewhere with some sun… Bahamas perhaps! Get all of the family on board… fancy!

What would I do next?

Pay my uni debt off. Then I could forget about that for the rest of my life. Clean slate, no debt, everything paid off, hell yeah!

Lastly, I would put money aside for a house deposit. Yeah I would have enough to get a house, for sure, but I don’t want that right now. So put it away for a couple of years. Gain some interest because you cant complain at that 😛 Leave it there for when I’m ready! Sorted.

I’m real sorry that this post has been lame. My brain is pretty lame tonight. I’m dull and bored, so I splurged some crap through my keyboard! I do however hope that you are all well, wherever you may be reading this from! What would you spend 1 million dollars on? I’m interested to know. Goodnight world!

 

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LIFE

Over a year in the making…. holy s***

HELLO!

I’m not gonna lie to you here, I have no idea what I’m about to type just now in all honesty but today I’ve been feeling kinda weird. Those closest to me have picked up on this too. I’m not sure how to feel about it. I have come to the realisation that I have absolutely no idea what I am doing with my life. I catch myself comparing myself to other people andddd… before you say it, I know, that’s the worst thing that you can do, I get that. But seriously, some of my friends have their own houses, mortgages to pay, bills, RESPONSIBILITY (That’s a scary word right?!). Others are at uni, having the time of their life and living life to the fullest.

Then there’s me, a little spec on this ball of rock we call our planet just bobbin along, uncertain of everything. Absolutely no idea what I’m doing with my life. A lots changed and its great! *lets off party popper*, *POOF* (Inner 5 year old me is momentarily unleashed). Change is kind of scary though isn’t it? Should we be scared or should we roll with it…. the unknown that we call ‘the future’. Part of me wants to pack my bags and disappear for a little bit. Go away and explore cool stuff! Another side of me tells me to sort my life out, get a proper job and pick up those scary things we named ‘RESPONSIBILITIES’. Be an adult and do adulty things cos I’m an adult.

Butttt… 1 thing I know for sure, I can’t do any of that here. I moved back to my naff little home town after university and I decided 4 years ago that I couldn’t live the rest of my life here. So I guess I do know one thing and that’s to get away. But where to go? Where do I want to start my adventure that I call my life? I would love to be able to just tell myself to throw a dart at a map and go wherever it landed but is it really that easy? I don’t know. I tell everybody else that it is. I give others life advice like, ‘do what makes you happy’, ‘don’t let others hold you back or stop you from achieving what you want’ and ‘you have the whole of your life to do what makes you happy’. Then it comes to my own life and I wanna shrivel up inside myself and come back out when everything is right.

*Looks around the room despairingly thinking Lord help me!!*

I’m not sure I like my brain at 23.15. It makes me all serious and sensible, a side I don’t see in myself all too often! But there you go. A blog post regarding the unknown, mixed up, confused and entangled thoughts of myself, Ames. Very dull I know, but I felt I needed to turn somewhere and write things down, not to achieve anything, just to talk…. to someone. I praise you if you sat through and read all of that, congrats to you cos I’m just an idiot.

I’m done.

Goodnight world!

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ChiefLocke Gaming

Sooo… Lets start from the top. I have always been an avid game from a very young age. I remember my uncle giving me an original grey game-boy, with Pokemon and since then I haven’t turned back. As i got older my consoles evolved and I did with them, having had both versions of the […]

 

Hey guys. Me again. Just a quick one today.

The other day my fiance started a blog about gaming. He has just written his first blog post and it would mean the world if you could go and show him some love. If any of you are gamers yourselves, have brothers, partners, dads who are into it, let them know! As stated in his post, he will be blogging about his set up, some of his favourite games, providing hints and tips and overall just having a good time.

Above there is a little snippet of what you can expect. Thank you muchly everyone. I’ll catch you soon

Ames xx

via My Background — ChiefLocke Gaming

 

 

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52 Week Blog Challenge: Meet my best friend!

Hey again guys. So recently I have seen several people taking part in the ’52 Week Blog Post Challenge’. I thought I would give it a shot so i will be posting every Wednesday evening. Also thanks to Britts Daily Dose and Sit Back And Just Live!… You can take part too by including the following banner…  and adding links to their blog in your post. So lets jump straight in.

My best friends name is Marc. He’s my best bud, partner in crime and drinking buddy. Where would I be without him?!

Where/ How did you first meet? We met in secondary school. Our science teacher stuck us together for our class seating plan. I remember the first few lesson we were both awkward. Who was going to break first and speak?! Who knows who did but it lead us to a journey of great friendship and we’re still going strong! *wahey*

What does he do for a living? Hmm, some form of customer administrator? Basically he does something which I’m not too sure of because it all sounds a bit technical. But hey he learned German to speak over the phone to other clients/people. Something like that.

Do you have a favourite school memory? Science, Bunsen burners. Stupidity…  they all add up to good memories. We tipped chemicals into the flame because, well, that’s what cool kids did back in the day! Threw some shards of splints in there too. Between us we managed to create green and purple flames whilst almost setting light to some cupboards. I highly don’t recommend this whatsoever. Stay safe.

Have you travelled anywhere together? Only to London and Cambridge really. I bought him tickets to a gig in Brixton for his birthday cos I’m nice like that 🙂 We also went to see Russell Howard several years ago and Milton Jones in Cambridge.

What is he like as a person? Although he’s small in size, he has such a massive heart and would put everybody and anybody before himself. If you ever need anything, nothing is ever too much. He has a heart of gold and has been a guiding light for me whenever I’ve needed him (Yes that does include 3am in the morning!) Basically, the most thoughtful, kind and generous person you could ever meet.

The funniest moment of your friendship?  How is this question even allowed? I cant pick out one singular moment! There’s a whole bunch. He makes me laugh every time I see him and that’s all I could wish for in a friendship.

What do you love most about him? The fact he is such an old man! I swear inside he is about 85 years old but that’s always what I’ve known! 

We can go weeks or even months without seeing each other, yet every time we do it’s like we saw each other yesterday. Marc, I’m sorry if you’re reading this buddy. I hope you didn’t cringe too much. Just wanna say thank you for being there and for always being you ❤

yeah

Ill leave it here with a charming photo!

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Managing the stresses of life!

Hey guys. Its been a while! Hope you are all okay and doing well.

Previously, I have written about less serious, menial topics, to fill my spare time. However, today I wanted to take the time to write about the ways in which we can reduce and deal with the stresses of life, which we all encounter at some point. It has become really apparent to me as I have had my fair share of struggles recently, that managing it is super important to maintain both a healthy lifestyle and brain! People overlook issues and ‘pie off’ problems by using the phrase ‘I’m fine’. This is all well and good but over time, you begin to really not be ‘just fine’ which can lead to both physical and mental illness. A certain amount of stress is important as it may give you a target to work towards, in order to gain a sense of achievement. However, know your personal limits! I in no way claim that I am an expert, but these have worked for me! I hope some, or even just one of these ideas can help to keep you on a stable path of stresslessness!

Sleep: Sleep is really important to keeping yourself healthy. I know that if you are stressed, it can lead to no sleep which is ultimately a vicious cycle. However, 7 hours of solid sleep a day is a necessity to keeping us normal functioning human beings! Sleep allows for our bodies to rest and repair, ultimately allowing us to perform at our best the following day. Make sure you rack up those zzz’s!

Keeping yourself organised: Being a University student, I know how important it is to keep yourself organised! Ways in which you can do this is by writing ‘to do lists’ in order of priority, getting yourself a wipeboard to keep track of things you may need to do and keeping a diary, in order to manage your time effectively and keep on track of everything you have scheduled.

Physical Activity: I cant write a lot on this because I am the least sporty person on this planet. However, if you are into sport and it is something which you enjoy, take yourself away for a scheduled amount of time per week to engage in physical activity. Or, if you are somebody like me, take a walk. Taking half an hour out of your day to walk will help! Trust me! It can even be incorporated into your daily life by walking to the shop instead of taking the car 🙂

Limitations: I know its all grown up and considered boringgg sometimes, but we have to set our limits and know our boundaries. Caffeine, alcohol, nicotine… None of these help when we’re stressed. It may seem like it at the time, but things like caffeine increase cortisol levels in our bodies. I wont go all sciencey, but in short, its a stress hormone which if too great, can lead to bad things. Be responsible!

There is a whole load of other things which we can do in order to reduce our levels of stress and maintain a healthy balance but I don’t want to bore you with a list of 15 different things. Therefore, I will round this post up here and bid you farewell for now! I hope this post is of use to some of you. Stay healthy and I will catch you all soon 🙂

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My Bucket List

I’m back! And what a cheery subject I’ve picked to let you dive into! Hey again guys. I’m sorry that I’ve been away for a while. The struggles of life were dropped on me and it got real busy, real quick. But… I’m back and I think it is time to make up for all of those missed posts. So what better way to get back into it than with ‘My Bucket List’, or ‘Things To Do Before You Die’. A lot of people do ‘101’ things but I don’t really think I have that many wishes or things that I would like to do. That makes me sound real boring and unadventurous. I’m not, I promise, but the simpler things in life make me happy. So below I’m going to share some of the things I would like to achieve. Please feel free to share some of the things you want to do, however small or big. That way we can see each others ideas and spark some common interests! Enjoy 🙂

  1. Visit the 9/11 memorial. Now I’ve been to New York before but when I went last time, the memorial itself was still being built so unfortunately visiting was not an option for me. To go and visit the memorial to pay respect and to see the beautiful design would be fab.
  2. To marry my best friend. I’m currently doing quite well with this one. I know I’m young but age isn’t everything. Far from it. I met my best friend when I was 16 and a year and a half ago, we decided to spend the rest of our lives sticking by each other! No date is set but in the not to distant future, this wish will come true.
  3. Experience the Northern Lights. Because WOW! The natural world is an extraordinary place and to experience this would be one of the best things. Its one of those, once in a lifetime opportunities, that you know without even doing it, would give you goosebumps. So one day I will fly to Iceland to see these and maybe go to the Blue Lagoon too. It would be rude not to!
  4. Visit a Third World Country and do something to make a difference. I would love to go to somewhere such as Ethiopia and visit an orphanage to help out there. Teach English, get them better mattresses, or perhaps build a play park or a school. I don’t think that there would be anything better than to know that you are doing something to help other people in a way that we cannot even imagine.
  5. See Niagara Falls. Canada is beautiful as it is. Alberta for example. But I cannot think of anything more spectacular than seeing Niagara Falls.
  6. Raise children to the best of my ability. I wish to give my children anything I possibly can but I have said to my own Mum so many times, ‘If I can do even half the job you have done and be half of the person you are, I will be happy’. Never a more true statement been spoken. 
  7. Own both a munchkin cat and a husky. If you don’t know what these are, please I beg you to look them up online, but basically they’re smaller cats, with short legs. Need I say more! Who wouldn’t want one of those!
  8. Help out a homeless shelter. I’ve learned quite a lot about homelessness over the past few years. Both through my degree and through reading books written by homeless people. Most of us will never be able to understand what these people go through day in, day out, so to help out and wish them a good day, or perhaps just put a smile on their face would mean the world.
  9. Adopt an animal. Now I’ve done this in the past but it is so good to give animals a better home. I guess seeing as I want a munchkin and a husky, there is my opportunity!
  10. Be a Bridesmaid. I have gone almost 20 years of my life and never been a bridesmaid! Hopefully this is set to change soon!
  11. Get more tattoos. Some love them, some hate them. Being artistic, I fall into the category of loving them. I have one already and have so many ideas of what else I could get. All meaningful, I cannot wait to get some more done in the future.

So I know there isn’t a great deal on my Bucket List but this gives me room to expand. I am sure that more will be added to the list in time. As I said previous, please comment down below some of the things you would put in your Bucket List. Hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you all have a great day. I will catch you soon 🙂

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HABITS!

Hello again guys!

I know it has only been 2 days but I thought I would stick up another post because, well, why not! Because I’m new to all of this, I’m not too sure which route I want to go down quite yet so I am going to try out a few things to see what works… so, I’ve decided to write a post about habits. We all have them. Whether they’re bad, annoying, cute or simply just plain weird. I hope you enjoy reading some of mine and can perhaps relate to some of them. Why not share some of yours down below and we can create an army of habits! 

1.People watching. I’m terrible for this. I’ve taught myself that it is possible to perform simply anywhere, which makes it one of the best things! Waiting for your friend at the bus stop? Find yourself waiting to cross the road, queueing at the checkout, you can do it! I’ll be sitting in the Uni cafe minding my own business, eating the amazing cookies they do, which I shouldn’t because of my diet (shh, its between us) or waiting for my train home from Sheffield and ‘People Watching Mode’ is enabled. Please tell me I’m not the only one here folks?! Everyday I have to snap myself back to reality after gawping a Miss Pretty’s hair and wondering what shampoo she uses to get that damn gorgeous hair of her’s! Oh and her bag! I want one. It’s either that or curiously studying (subtly all be it) the man that’s standing opposite me at the traffic lights. Young, and the converse he has on are pristine. Whiter than the paint on the walls, the whitest Egyptian cotton sheets or freshly fallen snow and I wonder to myself, how have you managed to do that! (Looks solemnly down to my discoloured grey/brown, what were white trainers) *SIGH*. People watching is something which we all do because our inner noseyness always gets the better of us.

2. My next habit is something which is compelled by my inner OCD. Checking I have everything before I leave the house… but 50,000 times. I will get my bag ready the night before so I am even more prepared than I need to be. Keys…check, purse…check, lunch…check, phone…check, make-up bag…check. Okay, we’re set. So I will go and brush my teeth before I leave and in my head I will run through if I have everything again, even though I know for a fact I just checked. Now time to leave! I’ll go to pick my bag up and check one last time! No Ames, your phone hasn’t mysteriously jumped out of your bag since you’ve been out of the room. Your purse hasn’t decided to go on a spontaneous 4 mile hike. It is okay. So with that I will leave the house. *Leaves house and locks the door*. As I put my keys into my bag I will glimpse in to check again. SNAP OUT OF IT! Your notebook is still in there, now stop being so OCD and get on with your day!

3. Lastly, my habit of hoovering and overall cleanliness. None of you will know but I am a massive neat freak… ridiculously so. I live in a flat with 4 guys so I would love to say that it all came about when I moved in. I would prefer to say that this is when it started. Cleaning up all their mess so I didn’t have to live in a pigsty. You know what they’re like! But unfortunately not. I’ve had OCD for a while. If there is the slightest mark on the mirror, that has to go. 5 crumbs on the floor from a piece of toast I ate 4 minutes ago? They have to go too. Normal people would probably just hoover those measly crumbs up, considering they only hoovered the other day, but not me. I’ll hoover the whole room…along with the lounge and the bedroom! And whilst being productive mop the floors, clean the kitchen sides and repaint the hallway! (Seriously though, I have repainted the bathroom before because I was bored!)

So there you go. There’s some of my habits! Let me know some of yours, or perhaps if you share some similar to mine. We can all confide in each others bizarre habits! Catch you all soon.

 

Aside
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Right from the start I want to put it out there…my goal for this blog is to make at least one person smile! If I achieve nothing else, this would be enough because seeing people happy is one of the best things in life. As well as this, I hope I can offer both advice and some light-hearted reading for those days when you just want to stay in bed (I must say that these are some of the best days!)

I’m new to all of this so I might not get it right first time but please hang in there. Hopefully I can aim this blog to many age groups. Young ones, older ones, maybe even older ones. Who knows! My posts will be, as I said before, light-hearted, inspirational? and hopefully something in which you can all perhaps relate to, so I set no boundaries. The sky is the limit!

As you can probably guess from my ridiculously original Blog title, my name is Ami Harding, however, to most people I’m known as Ames. I’m 19 years old and currently a University Student. I study Bsc Geography and I love it.However, fingers crossed (crosses fingers), I hope to go on and do a PGCE so I can become a teacher.  I’m currently living in Sheffield, although I’m not formerly from here. Cats are my favourite thing in the world! Maybe one day I’ll become a crazy cat lady who lives in a little shack or something because I have 57 cats and spend all of my money on cat food and vets bills.

I decided to start a blog for several different reasons. 1) I feel that I am a fairly creative person so writing blogs and designing my own page attracted me, 2) Being inspired by others, both friends and YouTubers. Reading other peoples blogs is something I super enjoy and it made me realise, ‘I could try that!’… So here we are and 3) Last but not least, I’m very opinionated. I think this may be one of the things which drives some of my posts because I have stuff to say on most things so, hey! they could be interesting.

I’ll leave it there as I don’t want to bore you with all of the unnecessary rubbish I have in my brain! I really hope you guys stick around. I would super appreciate it if you gave me a follow… Twitter, instagram… whatnot! and I hope to see you around.20151108_120415[1]