Over a year in the making…. holy s***


I’m not gonna lie to you here, I have no idea what I’m about to type just now in all honesty but today I’ve been feeling kinda weird. Those closest to me have picked up on this too. I’m not sure how to feel about it. I have come to the realisation that I have absolutely no idea what I am doing with my life. I catch myself comparing myself to other people andddd… before you say it, I know, that’s the worst thing that you can do, I get that. But seriously, some of my friends have their own houses, mortgages to pay, bills, RESPONSIBILITY (That’s a scary word right?!). Others are at uni, having the time of their life and living life to the fullest.

Then there’s me, a little spec on this ball of rock we call our planet just bobbin along, uncertain of everything. Absolutely no idea what I’m doing with my life. A lots changed and its great! *lets off party popper*, *POOF* (Inner 5 year old me is momentarily unleashed). Change is kind of scary though isn’t it? Should we be scared or should we roll with it…. the unknown that we call ‘the future’. Part of me wants to pack my bags and disappear for a little bit. Go away and explore cool stuff! Another side of me tells me to sort my life out, get a proper job and pick up those scary things we named ‘RESPONSIBILITIES’. Be an adult and do adulty things cos I’m an adult.

Butttt… 1 thing I know for sure, I can’t do any of that here. I moved back to my naff little home town after university and I decided 4 years ago that I couldn’t live the rest of my life here. So I guess I do know one thing and that’s to get away. But where to go? Where do I want to start my adventure that I call my life? I would love to be able to just tell myself to throw a dart at a map and go wherever it landed but is it really that easy? I don’t know. I tell everybody else that it is. I give others life advice like, ‘do what makes you happy’, ‘don’t let others hold you back or stop you from achieving what you want’ and ‘you have the whole of your life to do what makes you happy’. Then it comes to my own life and I wanna shrivel up inside myself and come back out when everything is right.

*Looks around the room despairingly thinking Lord help me!!*

I’m not sure I like my brain at 23.15. It makes me all serious and sensible, a side I don’t see in myself all too often! But there you go. A blog post regarding the unknown, mixed up, confused and entangled thoughts of myself, Ames. Very dull I know, but I felt I needed to turn somewhere and write things down, not to achieve anything, just to talk…. to someone. I praise you if you sat through and read all of that, congrats to you cos I’m just an idiot.

I’m done.

Goodnight world!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s