Not okay, is okay

I have the word ‘Strength’ tattooed on my arm. It’s a daily reminder to myself, to hold strong for both my own sake and my family’s sake. I vowed I would always stay strong from that day forward. Since that day, I’ve encountered a lot of hurdles along the way and I have learned to accept that that’s just part of life. Through some of these I’ve been okay and held my nerve, others not so much. This post is to simply state that its okay not to be okay.

I’ve never been one to struggle with low moods, depressive thoughts or breakdowns. I’ve had anxious spouts through University but nothing I couldn’t manage.

I did something which took a lot of courage for me… I let out a lot of feelings to my mum. I told her everything, every last detail, about how I have been struggling recently. This is down to a lot of things from my job to family health issues. I want to stress that this isn’t a pity post. That is not my intention and I really hope it doesn’t come across as that. The aim of this post is to get across in my own way, as I said before, that its okay not to be okay.

Depression is real man. People brush mental illness to the side and tell you to man up or get over it. Today I shared a real close moment and my mum and I just broke down together. I am going to be really raw here because I feel that it might help some people. She suggested that I seek help. I’m the first to hold my hands up and admit that its superrrr hard to hear that you might need an outsiders help.

I didn’t want to admit it. I still don’t. I can honestly admit that speaking up to the people around me was the best thing I could have possibly done. When people who truly care about you, there’s no judgement, no resentment or bad feeling. Its 173% support and love and for that I couldn’t be more grateful. This is true for my friends as well. I don’t have many, I can count them all on one hand, but the support is unreal.

I beg anybody going through bad thoughts, a low period or just a generally pretty naff time, please speak up. I know it’s hard, it makes you feel incapable or needy, but it is the best thing you can do. I know this post is really raw, but I hope that I can help perhaps just one person!

Ames xx

 

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