Proud to change…

It’s gotten to that strange time of the evening again where my brain decides its a great idea to splurge. Uh oh.

Evenin’

My last post was titled ‘not okay, is okay’ and I stick by that 100%. I’m not okay…there is a hell of a lot going on in my life recently and I feel as though some days I take 1 step forward and perhaps 3 steps back. That’s okay too, because life was never designed to be straight forward. Wheres the excitement in that? So yeah, sometimes I do put on a smile and pretend that everything is okay…because that is just simply easier. Sometimes I’m not the strong person I feel I should be…

HOWEVER.

I have had a lot of time to think about things the past few weeks and it has become real clear to me that I regret decisions I have made and also there’s things that I wouldn’t change if I had the opportunity. So in my times of thoughts when I’m not at work or with my family, I have been trying to arrange my brain muddle into some sort of organised format… (pah, who am I kidding?!).

I have been down. I won’t hide that for one second. Family health issues are affecting both myself and those surrounding me a lot recently and that’s hard. Honestly, I just want somebody to tell me that it’s going to be okay when I break. As well as this, my dad called me super shaken up yesterday to tell me he had been involved in a ‘hit and run incident’ where an oncoming driver ploughed into the front of him, ultimately writing his car off. The police came and told him that if he had been driving 5mph faster then the outcome wouldn’t have been as lucky. It hit me hard and makes me appreciate the ones around me even more if that’s possible?

But…for the first time in what feels like forever, I can honestly say that I am proud of myself. I’m trying to make changes to both better myself as a person and to change my path in life. I’m doing okay! I started driving again after 4 years which is awesome.  This means that I have a sense of independence back which is sweet! I’m working real hard to change my career path and I am honestly proud of myself for this. I’ve also started learning again! I’m finally figuring stuff out. I’ve been working on myself where I can and I have changed as a person for the better.

I’m proud 🙂

Goodnight world

xx

 

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